Stargate genesis(still have not choosen a name for sure)(FAN FICTOIN)

[fanfiction]

Pending Title: Stargate Genesis Author: fanfiction Character Focus: Richard Woolsey, SGA Word Count:

 

[fanfiction]

There are far too many spelling, punctuation and grammer mistakes to even list let alone the number of times that your short story contradicts itself. I do not want to sound rude but writing is probably not the best use of your time.

Yea I know. The only way i can ever get better is by writing more >< Don't worry about being rude but I do ask instead of just saying how bad i am at writing please tell me my worst spelling mistakes. It feels discouraging otherwise. oh btw this forum took out line breaks for some reason it might be easier to read without everything crunched up. I won't move on in my story until I get all the grammar stuff out of the way with what I wrote.

 

[fanfiction]

A better idea would be to take some evening classes in English and writing skills. As things are it is too difficult to read so many people will not bother with it.

I am sorry my writing offends you so much. Like I said I'll try to make it better but please don't discourage me by putting me down like that..

 

[fanfiction]

I am not being aggressive. What I have given is constructive criticism which you asked for the members here to give in your first post. If you do not like the response to a subject that you asked people to be honest about then you are looking for help in the wrong place.

You have a point. Sorry its just hard not to be defensive sometimes. Better constructive criticism would be telling me specifically what i got wrong rather then generalizing. Thx.

 

[fanfiction]

I haven't read your story. One big block of text isn't very friendly to the eyes. Use paragraphs!

Sorry but I don't know how to use line spacing on this forum. Every time I put a space between lines it disappears when I decide to post my something.

 

[Aragon101]

No one is going to read this without proper spacing and you taking the time to spell check. It has nothing to do with being 'mean' to you, but you need to adhere to certain standards of language if you want people to read your story.

I got as far as "Corfu" and stopped reading. You can't ask people for constructive criticism without actually trying to deliver something of quality.

Writing isn't something you can become great at in a short time. You've got to at least be proficient enough (as in learn grammar and spelling) to be understood before anyone is going to offer any constructive criticism beyond "Go take classes"

Read alot. Reading lets you see how other people do it and you can emulate their style. Just make sure what you're reading is of a better quality too or else you'll never get anywhere.

 

[Overmind One]

Yes, but unfortunately reading and writing are usually a married couple.

No one is going to read this without proper spacing and you taking the time to spell check. It has nothing to do with being 'mean' to you, but you need to adhere to certain standards of language if you want people to read your story.

I got as far as "Corfu" and stopped reading. You can't ask people for constructive criticism without actually trying to deliver something of quality.

Writing isn't something you can become great at in a short time. You've got to at least be proficient enough (as in learn grammar and spelling) to be understood before anyone is going to offer any constructive criticism beyond "Go take classes"

Read alot. Reading lets you see how other people do it and you can emulate their style. Just make sure what you're reading is of a better quality too or else you'll never get anywhere.

Usually, people who arent good at writing are not good readers as well. It all has to do with the basic educational level of proficiency in the language. I have never met a person who was horrible at writing who wasnt also a horrible reader. I mentor kids who have learning disabilities on a volunteer level, and the first sign that they may only be semi-literate is the lack of writing skills. Its then a simple task to ask them to read something aloud.

 

[fanfiction]

Usually, people who arent good at writing are not good readers as well. It all has to do with the basic educational level of proficiency in the language. I have never met a person who was horrible at writing who wasnt also a horrible reader. I mentor kids who have learning disabilities on a volunteer level, and the first sign that they may only be semi-literate is the lack of writing skills. Its then a simple task to ask them to read something aloud.

I always had problems writing. I am actually pretty good at reading. What i have is Dysgraphia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysgraphia. I was diagnosed when i was little with dysgrahia but it has nothing to do with reading luckily. Your right I am not even educated at a college level yet. I am not even old enough to drink legally. I think I will remove this post or something because no one can read it. Maybe Microsoft word can fix my problem. Your an admin, so i will ask you this could the line spacing issue be due to my browser?

 

[fanfiction]

I'll let Overmind answer your tech questions, but I doubt that the spacing has anything to do with your browser.

Anyhoo, since you have a disability, I went ahead and swept through your fan fiction to help out a bit. I didn't change everything - like the fact that I think it's a 12 hour curfew and not a 1 hour curfew based on what was said - but I did correct as much as I could, changing as few words as possible.

I'm not a beta reader but, considering your condition, you might want to find one. That's a person that goes over your work before you publish it online for others to read it. I put this in blue so it stands out.


Pending Title: Stargate Genesis
Wow, Thank you. You did more then what I asked from the community. Author: fanfiction
Character Focus: Richard Woolsey, SGA
Word Count: <1000
Rating: T
Warning: Mild Profanity
Note: Done for fun, not for profit.


CITIZEN NOTICE!

By order of President Ron Reagan, Jr., curfew has been changed from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. to 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Anyone caught violating this curfew will be fined and questioned by Homeland Security. Included in this presidential order is a new reward for reporting Chinese agents. The reward has now increased to $500,000 to anyone giving information leading to an arrest of a Chinese agent.

March 1st, 2023:

Can you believe this, Doctor Hitchens? There's another change in curfew. Eventually we'll only be allowed outside one hour a day. Careful what you say Richard. The last person to complain about changes in policy had their house taken away from the IRS over tax evasion. You know what other change I don't like is the change to allow private funds into the Stargate program. The last thing we need is more people going to other planets causing unneeded trouble! Richard, those companies we let expand their businesses in other planets will pay us taxes in gold. We need all the money we can get to fight the Chinese. &quot;You don't really support all this government for profit stuff do you?&quot; said Hitchens. No I don't, but there is no other way they would fund the stargate program without this new change.

March 1st, 2025:

Anyway, your team is set to go to planet PX-343. It's one of the first planets we had a free trade agreement with. As you know they were invaded by a goa'uld. We still don't know how this goa'uld got this power but we suspect it was a minor system lord that rallied a Jaffa around his cause. Your mission is to make sure the humans on this planet are treated well as the administration wants to keep the free trade agreement. Richard, I can't believe we are doing this with the goa'uld in charge. Don't worry, I will follow your orders as your chief ambassador to this planet. I won't let the IOA down. As I enter the gate room, I looked at my marine body guard with worried face. I touch the watery looking wormhole. I see my the marines enter first and then my diplomatic team. I entered. In a split second I end up on an impressive city. I was widely surprised with the accommodations the goa'uld have given us.

There was a limo with an SUV in front and behind the limo filled with black suited security guards. In the distances I was immediately drawn by the amount of flying personal vehicles using goa'uld technology. They are convoys of them in straight lines, like a sky road. What caught my eye in particular was an enterprise shaped ship using goa'uld technology for its engines as heard it whoosh by with the typical glider sound. It was odd seeing goa'uld ships and commercial vehicles flying together. I walk towards the limo. I enter the limo. Our host holding the door open said &quot;Your soldiers are welcome to the limo.&quot; The Marines entered the limo with me. It seemed really out of place seeing marines with their fully loaded uniforms and struggling to fit there M-16 rifles in the limo. We drive on the highway. The highway was elevated above the city as it cut straight pass the city center. I assume that there were buildings under this high way.

I was surprised by the amount of sheer commercialism from America they had. I saw a McDonald's logo from my window in the sky skyscraper . I see another sky scraper with CBS news on an LCD billboard on the roof of the building. It all seemed very close to home to me. It actually reminds me of Las Vegas. We were first to attend what I nick name the &quot;Goa'uld Ball.&quot; We took an exit out from the highway to the city streets. There were countless goa'ulds and humans walking together like there both on the same level of class. They were all wearing jewelry. We approach this large building where the ball will be held. It looked closely like the Wynn from Vegas but instead it was named the The Rain.

We entered a private room. The room had a giant statue of the ruling goa'uld along with large fountains surrounding the statue. The ball room very much had a modern feel to it. At this point I was getting frustrated. I am not here to party. I am here to inspect the living conditions of the humans on this planet. They rushed me to another private room. The goa'uld there called her self lord Shiva the 2nd. I ask her if I could go to random locations in the city and perform random interviews with citizens. She replied back, &quot;Patience human. We are not here to take orders from the likes of you. We will let you do your inspection of our world as good faith in being trading partners, but we let you do so when we choose to. Tonight, though, you will party. And I have to say those glasses you wear are cute.&quot;

I thought to myself, Shit. She is going to get me in bed and put a goa'uld in me. I must keep my wits about me. ......

The End.

Make adjustments as you see fit buddy. Good luck with your other fics.

Cheers.

Wow thank you did more then what I asked from the community. You actually rewrote what I said in good English lol. Your a very kind person thank you. I will look into the beta readers. I will try to release my fan fictions in smaller burst so I can better correct my own writing and cause people less stress when they read my fan fiction. ROlf I like your maturity rating system I think will adopt it if you don't mind. I don't know what rating my stuff will be but it won't be a great fit for children books. unlike brad wright i want to warn people what they are going to watch and not just put in a random sex scene to tell you i am being edgy. Anyway I am getting off topic. Is it alright I replace my story currently as written by your corrected story? I will be sure to give you credit for the correction you made. Anyway thanks again for your help btw Most of assumptions you made were correct. i will try to change things to be more clear on what I was trying to tell. EDIT: Hitchens was suppose to be the leader of the diplomatic team going in the gate and Richard woosey was suppose to be his boss but I think I might change that around a bit. What do you think? I never thought I would meet nice people on the internet.

 

[fanfiction]

Oh, I don't need credit because I didn't re-write anything. That was all you, buddy. I tried to keep from re-wording anything you wrote and only mildly changed a few sentences. Do whatever you like with it because it's yours. There are no worries there.

The maturity rating thing isn't mine. So feel free to use it. I just know about it from online friends that write fan fiction. Anyhoo, you're very welcome. I hope your writing works out well for you.

Cheers.

P.S.

I do notice that the quotes aren't working right whenever you do them. That could be an issue to look into.

Thanks, I wrote in an extra question after you relied to me. Alright, I will use my story with your correction but I am going to give credits as an editor if you don't mind. Once again thanks for your awesomeness.

 

[fanfiction]

Hello and welcome fanfiction!

Um, I don't know where this goes because it's not labeled. I skimmed across it and I see references to someone named &quot;Richard,&quot; but since that's not an SGA/1/U character I can think of, I am just going to put this in the general section until I create a section for general fan-fiction.

Some constructive criticism is to go to the LiveJournal or Fanfiction websites and see how people label their fan-fiction so that readers can easily find what they are looking for.

I don't know from your title if &quot;genesis&quot; is the genesis of the original film, SG-1, SGA in Pegasus, or some other story that is SGU/non-related.
Cheers.


Update: It just came to me - Richard is Woolsey's first name. LOL. It's not usually used on the show (SGA). Okay, so I might need to send this to the SGA section after I get a change to read it to see if it fits there.

Lol I am glad you caught that about Richard woosey. As for genesis. As you know genesis means the beginning and this story is a beginning of a new era on earth and the stargate program.

 

[stclare]

Pending Title: Stargate Genesis Author: fanfiction Character Focus: Richard Woolsey, SGA Word Count:

I would 2nd Atlantis4Life and contact either the sga noticeboard http://community.livejournal.com/sga_noticeboard/ or sg1 noticeboard.

There is many links on the noticeboard to all types of fanfiction, which would help with formating. if there is a particular author you like on there you can contact them via comments for advice/tips etc.

I have to say sg1 and sga fandoms are pretty awesome as long as you are polite and except if someone is not/doesnt want to help you.

from there you can also look up beta request's in the search engine, writing nano's etc as there are several LJ groups set up for people such as yourself who are looking to get there fanfic out there.

Hope that helps.

 

[Frumenta]

I got as far as "Corfu" and stopped reading."[\QUOTE]

And now you got me interested, lol. I went to University in Corfu where I spent 6 wonderful years. I must say that Richard Woolsey was nowhere to be found. :p

fanfiction, I concurr with the others that fanfiction is perhaps not the best way to spend your time. If it helps with your dysgrafia, by all means continue but be ready for people not to accept things like lack of paragraph spaces, extremely bad spelling or the lack of any way to distinguish dialogue.

Back when I used to write fanfic, I wrote it to try and improve my English and people were nice enough to help me. I still feel that it wasn't fair to my poor readers. The good thing was that Harry Potter was a fandom where there was so much badfic you could get away with a lot. I wouldn't say the same about Stargate, some of the fic in this fandom is seriously good, practically better than what you see from published authors.

PS. Sorry for failing with the quote there, I don't know what is up with formatting.